NAME; JAMES FORD
YEARS AT CLUB; 4
NICKNAME; FORDY
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; FORDY IS A MEMBER OF THE TOMAS THE TANK ENGINE FAN CLUB, HE GOES TO ALL THE MEETINGS AND RALLY’S SO MISSES A LOT OF TRAINING BUT HIS STEAM TRAIN IMPRESSION IS ONE TO BEHOLD
LOOK-A-LIKEY; THAT BLUE BIRD OFF AVATAR
PLAYERS SECRET; FORDY HAS A DARD SIDE, THAT BEING HE’S HEAVILY INTO CLINGFILM FUN, APPARANTLY HE COVERS HIMSELF IN UTTERLY BUTTERLY AND GETS A FEW LIKE MINDED PEOPLE TO WRAP HIM UP IN CLINGFILM, KINKY BUT EACH TO THEIR OWN EH.
NAME; DANIEL MIDDLETON
YEARS AT CLUB; 10
NICKNAME; MIDSY
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; MIDSYS GRANDAD WAS EMIJISI UTAKIA, A FAMOUS FIGHTER PILOT THAT LED THE RAID ON PEARL HARBOUR
LOOK-A-LIKEY; A JAPANESE FIGHTER PILOT WITH LEMON JUICE IN HIS EYES
PLAYERS SECRET; ONCE, BACK IN THE DAY, HE WAS OUT CONCUR COLLECTING WITH HIS BROTHER TONY. WELL THIS FARMER HAS CAUGHT THEM, TIED THEM UP, AND PLAYED WITH THEIR CONCURS, BOTH HAVE NEVER BEEN THE SAME SINCE.
NAME; MIKE CROSBY
YEARS AT CLUB; 2
NICKNAME; RILEY OR BING
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; RILEY IS FROM PLUMBLEY SO HE’S INTO ALL SORTS OF STUFF INCLUDING BADGER BAITING, SQUIRREL SQUEEZING, RABBITT RODGERING, FOX FETTLING AND MAKING NICE FAIRY CAKES
LOOK-A-LIKEY; TWEETY PIE
PLAYERS SECRET; RILEY LOVES BAKING CUPCAKE BUNS, HE FINISHED A CREDITABLE THIRD IN THIS YEARS PLUMBLEY CUPCAKE CHALLENGE, BETTY WAINTHRAITE WON IT WITH EDNA STEVENSON SECOND, RILEY HOPES WITH A BIT MORE EFFORT AND A DASH MORE BUTTER HE WILL WIN NEXT YEARS COVERTED TITLE
NAME; JOSH WATTS
YEARS AT CLUB; 1
NICKNAME; WATTSY
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; WATTSY IS QUITE, SHHH
LOOK-A-LIKEY; ALBERT TATLOCK
PLAYERS SECRET; WATTSY PLAYS CRICKET AND HIS ALWAYS SINGING,
“A BOY STOOD ON THE BURNING DECK, HAVING A GAME OF CRICKET, THE BALL ROLLED UP HIS TROUSER LEG, AND HIT HIS MIDDLE WICKET”, AFTER WHICH HE BURSTS OUT LAUGHING WHILST EVERYONE ELSE JUST SIGHS.
NAME; TOM DAVY
YEARS AT CLUB; 3
NICKNAME; APACHE
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; TOM HAS A NASTY HABIT OF WIPING BOGGIES ON PEOPLE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE TELL HIM HE’S ALWAYS GOT A FINGER UP HIS HOOTER AND WIPING IT ON THE NEAREST PERSON.
LOOK-A-LIKEY; WOODY
PLAYERS SECRET; TOM’S OTHER INTEREST IS MILK FLOAT SPOTTING, HE’S UP EVERY MORNING AT THE CRACK OF DAWN (DAWNS GOT A NICE CRACK BY THE WAY) NOTING DOWN, MILK FLOAT MAKES, MODELS N MOVEMENTS IN HIS LITTLE MILK FLOAT PAD. APPARENTLY HE SAYS THE MINI MILKY MARK III IS THE DADDY OF ALL MILK FLOATS
NAME; SAM SAMUAL SAMPSON
YEARS AT CLUB; 1
NICKNAME; SAM WOULD YOU BELIEVE
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER;
LOOK-A-LIKEY; BRIAN THE LURPACK MAN
PLAYERS SECRET; SAM ONCE GOT STUCK IN A LIFT FOR SIX DAYS. HE LIVED BY EATING HIS OWN WASTE, EARWIGS AND WOODLICE. HE INSISTS IF IT WASN’T FOR RAY MEARS HE WOULDN’T BE HERE
NAME; RICHARD GLOSSOP
YEARS AT CLUB; 1
NICKNAME; GLOSS
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; GLOSS IS NEW TO OUR CLUB AND NEEDS TO GET RID OF THE PINK FLIP FLOPS, BALACLARVA AND PURPLE SEQUINNED CARDIGAN THAT HE COMES IN ON SUNDAYS
LOOK-A-LIKEY; MR POTATOE HEAD
PLAYERS SECRET; GLOSS LOVES TIZER, HENCE THE RED TIZER TACHE ON SUNDAY MORNINGS
NAME; JORDAN QUINN
YEARS AT CLUB; 1
NICKNAME; MINI QUINNY
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; JORDAN SLEEPS IN AN OLD SWAN VESTA MATCH BOX WITH A COTTON BUD FOR A PILLOW, HIS BED SHEETS ARE A COUPLE OF OLD HANKYS.
LOOK-A-LIKEY; THEIR KID, ALTHOUGH JORD SAYS HE’S BETTER LOOKING AND GETS ALL THE BIRDS, THEIR KID DISPUTES THIS SAYING THEY THINK IT’S HIM.
PLAYERS SECRET; MINI QUINNY ONCE PRETENDED HE WAS THEY KID BY BLOWING UP SOME WATER WINGS AND PUTTING THEM ON HIS LEGS AND ARMS THEN WEARING A BIG COAT
NAME; STEVE PARKINSON
YEARS AT CLUB; 1
NICKNAME; PARKY
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; STEVE IS IN HIS FIRST YEAR WITH THE CLUB, HE’S LET SLIP THAT HE SLEEPS WITH 16 TEDDY BEARS AND A LIFESIZE WINNIE THE POOH
LOOK-A-LIKEY; A FRUIT BAT
PLAYERS SECRET; STEVE HAS A PLAY-DOUGH PROBLEM. HE BRINGS A NICE CHUNK OF PURPLE PLAY-DOUGH EVERY SUNDAY AND MAKES A LITTLE MORF OUT OF IT WHILST SAYING ‘HOM-HILLY-HOBBY-HUFF’. IT’S STRANGE TO SAY THE LEAST BUT WE DARN’T SAY OWT.
NAME; PAUL DIXON
YEARS AT CLUB; 6
NICKNAME; DICKO
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; DICKO’S FAVORITE SAYING IS ‘ I’M STARVING OR SOMMAT TO EAT’ HE HAS ATE HIS WAY THROUGH 73 COWS, 96 CHICKENS, 55 SHEEP, 2 DONKEYS, A RINO, 312 PIGS, 55 DUCKS, 105 DUNG BEATLES AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS
LOOK-A-LIKEY; SEE ABOVE
PLAYERS SECRET; DICKO’S TWO MEN IN ONE BODY, LOOKS LIKE THREE REALLY. ONE MAN IS A CALM INTERLECTUAL THAT IS A DEEP THINKER, KIND CARING, CONSIDERATE, LOVABLE AND FUN TO BE WITH.
THE OTHERS A COMPLETE FRUITCAKE!
FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD
NAME; CHRIS CHALLENGER
YEARS AT CLUB; 2
NICKNAME; GROMIT
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; CHRIS SCORED 29 GOALS LAST SEASON BUT 8 OF THEM CAME WHEN HE CAME DRESSED AS A REF.
LOOK-A-LIKEY; WALLACE
PLAYERS SECRET; CHRIS IS ANOTHER MARSION, HE’S OFTEN SEEN OUTSIDE THE MIDLAND IN KILLAMARSH POINTING SKY WARDS AT PLANES WHILST SHOUTING, ‘RUN FOR THE HILLS, THEY’RE COMING TO TAKE US ALL’.
NAME; TOMAS ABBEY
YEARS AT CLUB; 9 ON AND OFF
NICKNAME; ABS
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; ABBEY LOVES TO HAVE SIX PINTS THEN COLLAPSE INTO DUKE BOXES, IT’S HIS PARTY TRICK
LOOK-A-LIKEY; HOMER
PLAYERS SECRET; ABS ENDED UP IN THE CELLS ONCE AFTER RUNNING NAKED INTO TONY’S CHIPPY WHILST HOLDING HIS ERECT TODGER SHOUTING ‘THIS IS A STICK UP, EMPTY THE TILL’ THIS HAPPENED DURING HIS DARK YEARS WHEN HE BECAME MOSBOROUGH FC’S CHAMPION GURNER.
NAME; ZAKERIATH BROOKE
YEARS AT CLUB; 1
NICKNAME; ZAK
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; ZAK LIKES A GOOD TOFFEE APPLE, SO WHEN BONFIRE NIGHT COMES AROUND HE’S AS GIDDY AS A WEDNESDAY FAN IS AFTER BEATING YEOVIL 1-0
LOOK-A-LIKEY; PINGU
PLAYERS SECRET; ZAK WAS GOING TO BE NAMED VAK, AFTER VAK (THE HOOVER) BUT HIS MUM AND DAD THOUGHT VAK WOULD BRING HIM GRIEF AT SCHOOL AND HE WOULDN’T PICK THINGS UP, SO ZAK IT WAS.
NAME; JAY ATKIN
YEARS AT CLUB; 2
NICKNAME; DK
FACTS ABOUT PLAYER; JAY IS LOVABLE BUT HE’S DAFT, HE ONCE TURNED UP FOR TRAINING WITH HIS PANTS ON OVER HIS TRACKY BOTTOMS, A SNORKLE AND GOGGLES ON
LOOK-A-LIKEY; DON KING
PLAYERS SECRET; JAY HAS A FETISH FOR BALL POOLS, HIS MUM WON’T TAKE HIM NEAR A CHARLIE CHALKS BECAUSE THE LAST TIME HE HID UNDER THE BALLS AND WAS MISSING FOR THREE DAYS, HE’S GOT A LITTIE BOX FULL AT HOME TO KEEP HIM IN CHECK.